Toni Summers Hargis, feminist

I've always been pretty hot on women's rights. I mean, why wouldn't I?
 
My feminist mouth has landed me in trouble a few times too. Like the job where I was deemed "unprofessional" and "difficult" for pointing out that the promotion criteria for women seemed entirely different than for the blokes. ("Isn't she a little too mousy?" or "She needs to do something about her appearance.")
Or the job where I complained about being given all the typing – despite the fact that I couldn't really type, and I wasn't the lowest in the pecking order – BUT, I was the only female on the team. Nope. They don't like it when you point that out.
And the appraisal where I was criticised for not helping the only other female in a meeting to serve coffee - to ten guys, all of whom were perfectly capable of getting coffee for themselves. (And we were supposed to be at the meeting on an equal footing.)​
I'd love to say that was all in the past, but a quick look around tells me that women are still putting up with an awful lot of sexism. While it might not be topless posters in the staff kitchen or being forced to wear towering heels, we still have a very long way to go.
​So I'll keep talking about the big stuff and the stuff we're told is "nothing". (By the way, none of it is "nothing"; it all needs to stop.)
And here I am on Medium, talking about Microaggressions, men-as-allies, and many other aspects of sexism.  ​

A few gems from THE BOOK!

Rules of Thumb
  • You are not to blame for someone else’s inappropriate behaviour.
  • And they are not entitled to your compliance or your silence.
  • If relevant, replace your need to be liked with a desire to be respected.
  • Don’t worry about appearing rude or offensive when someone is offending, insulting or scaring you. That person doesn’t care about you, so that becomes your job. (And by the way, that’s not telling you to be rude but just not to worry about ‘how it might look’.)
  • It’s not the intent; it’s the effect. Some people may not intend to offend or be inappropriate, so while you don’t need to take the sledgehammer approach, it’s still okay to address the problem. 
  • The result of not addressing sexism is that it usually continues. You are helping yourself in the short and long term by dealing with it as quickly as possible. 
  • Setting boundaries becomes easier with practice. Fake being comfortable with doing it until you are comfortable with doing it.​
  • Speaking up about sexism is the first step towards change. Even if the person you think has behaved inappropriately disagrees, the culture will slowly change if other people start to agree. 
  • When a woman speaks up about sexism, other women see they are not alone. In turn, when they see you advocating for yourself, they might lend support.
  • There is nothing snowflakey about calling out sexism. It takes a lot of strength to stop ‘putting up with it’. 
  • Low-level sexism isn’t ‘nothing’. Just because things could be worse, doesn’t mean you have to put up with the milder stuff. Putting up with it just means it won’t go away. 
  • Standing up to sexism is not whining or playing the victim.
  • Just because you can ‘take it’ doesn’t mean you have to.
  • Your aim is to shut down sexist behaviour, not to change someone’s mind (even though that would be nice), so a debate is not necessary.